It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
