His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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