i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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