yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
