Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
