I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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