She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
