I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize