my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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