that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
