Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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