So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
