I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
