i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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