no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
