two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
should my penis look like a turkey
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize