I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
