i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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