She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
