Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
