Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
