Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
do herpes really smell.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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