That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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