just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize