Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
