Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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