i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
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