Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
His nipple licking is glorious
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