Your tits are I can't wait for
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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