do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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