I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
