the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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