My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
