he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
someone owes me an orgasm
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
