When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
