the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
