I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
