I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
