I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
