Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
