dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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