Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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