so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
