You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
