but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You're a waste of cheezeits
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize