I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize