forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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