i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
