Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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