did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
