So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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