Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
