Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize