Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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