Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
