we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
