i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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