Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
