Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize