4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
