Christians are straight up FREAKS
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
