"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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