scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
