haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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