I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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