There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
