There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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