I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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