What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
