Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
