can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
