She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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