so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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