News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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