You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
