getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I want her autograph on my taint
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
