hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
