I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
