I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
