It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
