im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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