I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
