i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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