Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
