I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize