tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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