You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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