i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
