Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
